WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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