chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
