we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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