I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
