They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
