hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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