Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think im going to throw up on grandma
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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