2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Pooping to opera.
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