I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
