They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
