There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
