I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
