I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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