Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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