I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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