guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My brain says no but my pants say off.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
