You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
