My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
