Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
