Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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