I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
