So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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