Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Welp...herpes.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
