is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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