Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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