I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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