So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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