I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
