i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
