Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Porn is love you can see.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
