I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
