I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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