Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
