Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize