I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize