Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
