wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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