you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
