i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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