GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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