We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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