Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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