your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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