she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
