I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
