I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
