take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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