no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
