Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
