That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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