Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
