I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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