You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
