I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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