I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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