Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
