just come out here and I will go home with you...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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