32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
