Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
