I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
