dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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