I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
