I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
